Am I the only person out there who catches myself saying "I can't wait until....?" I find myself doing this in different phases throughout my life. I can't wait until I'm out of school. I can't wait until we buy a house. I can't wait until we get a new whatever. I can't wait until our next vacation.
You guys! I am "I can't wait until"-ing my entire life away!! So I have resolved to change my mindset this very moment. I have always considered myself an averagely happy person. I mean, I keep it real on days that I'm not happy, but most days I'm somewhere on the sunshine spectrum. I really enjoy laughing and making others laugh too. But what do you do when you find yourself going through an "I can't wait" phase?
Now, I do want to say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with looking forward to events in your life. In fact, I think it is a good thing to have goals and accomplishments that excite you and push you to finish. My point is that you should not continue to push forward so intently that you miss out on the here and now. What's going on in your life right now that brings you profound joy? What are you grateful for TODAY? I say today because, yes, we are ALL grateful for toilets and air conditioning. What are you grateful for that is specific to the life you are living today!?
Joy is found in the ordinary. It is not something unattainable. To me it is a deep well within us that we are able to draw from on the bad days and refill on the good days. Moments of happiness fill your well. Sadie and I like to have dance parties in the kitchen while I'm cooking or doing the dishes. This fills my well with SO much joy and love for her so that when I know I am going to have to fight her down for bedtime, I can still have joy in my heart for her and our relationship. It's easy to have a bad moment and let it spin you out of control and off the path that you want to be on. Take those moments to dip into your well of joy and remind yourself of what you truly have. Recognize every moment of happiness. I would challenge you for just one day to actually stop and recognize moments of joy throughout that day. And then think to yourself of all the buckets of joy you are adding to your well. Visualize it. I see a rickety old bucket being filled with joy and even spilling over the edge. I grab it and slosh it down into my well while I'm smiling and happy. I'm also wearing a killer dress, look amazing, and am somehow moving in slow motion just like those lifeguards from the 80's. But that's just me!!
So - how can you find joy in who you are and the life you are living right now? I've decided on 7 specific steps to help get you there. As well as a fun download because we all need reminders. I am a firm believer in "you are what you read" so I really try to have little quotes printed and around the house to read as I walk around doing chores and chasing kids. It keeps them present and rolling around in my mind.
1. Find joy in what you have.
Count your blessings basically. Last year we started this really fun gratitude chain which makes for a fun dinner time game. Every night during dinner, we go around the table and say one thing we are grateful for that day. And then we write it on a slip of paper and staple in onto our chain. You know those construction paper chains you made in elementary school? It keeps our minds awake during the day to what we really have been blessed with AND is an amazing visual reminder to both the hubby and I, but most importantly to our children. I've decided that explaining some concepts to children is harder than others. Go figure. But when we point to the fun and colorful gratitude chain we build upon every day, it makes it easier for my 3 year old to comprehend.
2. Find joy in what you prioritize.
Instead of saying "I don't have time" try saying "It's not a priority" and see how that feels. - Laura Vanderkam
Doesn't that blow you mind!?! Priorities are different for everyone, so this is something you have to think about and figure out for yourself. For me, an ultra clean house in NOT a priority. It would be nice and I do like when it is clean, but it doesn't bring me joy as much as sewing. So, I usually choose to sew instead. And I can hear the dishes overflowing out of the sink as we speak. My bad. Something I've noticed and so far been able to avoid because my children are still babies is over scheduling our children with activities. Yes, school and social activities are amazing for children on 36415648 different levels. I was involved in lots of after school and weekend things growing up. And that's good. You learn social skills, teamwork, leadership, personal confidence and seriously a bazillion other things when you get to be involved in things like sports, clubs, band, or whatever else. What I am saying is that children should also have down time AND family time. If you are chained to your minivan running here and there every single day of the week and miserable, maybe we need to reevaluate your priorities so you can have the opportunity for more joy.
3. Find joy in who you are.
No more comparing, complaining, or negative self-talk. Stop it. Right now. When I start to have negative self-talk, I think of my two daughters. I NEVER want them to think to themselves the things I so carelessly say about myself. Honestly, I wonder how did I get here? Why am I SO comfortable saying terrible, horrible things about who I am and what I look like? It's heartbreaking. And how do your children learn? By your example. Be the example they need to grow up with self love. Are we always perfect examples as parents? NO. Is my body swimsuit ready? Well, since I can find a swimsuit in my size, then I guess that means YES! See what I did there?! Change your process of thinking to create self love. I made up my mind two summers ago after I found myself watching my daughter have fun and make memories without me. Enough. I am going to wear this swimsuit and I am going to jump into that pool and I am going to play with my daughter dang it!
4. Find joy in who you spend your time with.
Do you have a friend that is really just kind of a downer? I have a few of those and I love them to pieces but I AM TIRED when I am done spending time with them. Am I there for my friends when they are going through something? Of course. I'm just saying - there are perfectly healthy people out there who are complainers. Should I drop them from my life? Well, that's up to you. Maybe if they are crazy hard to keep up with emotionally, you do need to create some distance. I can't answer that for you. I will say I have distanced myself from a friends or two along the way that was just too much for me to handle while maintaining my own emotions. Because what is the most important in this situation? I need to be able to go home and be who I want to be to my husband, my children, and myself. If you are dragging me down, I'm going to have a really hard time finding my joy. Surround yourself with people who bring you light and you will be able to be a light to others! Listen. I am a mother of 2. That's not even a lot and I am exhausted at the end of the day. I do not have the energy to be constantly pulled down by others.
5. Find joy in the hope of finding joy.
Ok - wrap your head around that one for a minute. Am I joyful and singing while running through grassy meadows 24/7? That's a huge negative. But I always know I have joy. Because joy is deeper than just a good day. I am not always "happy" but I can always have joy. Joy in my life. Joy in my heart. Joy in my home and family. If you are having trouble seeing actual joy in your life, I would strongly suggest you make a list of what you have and are grateful for. Pray for change to find the joy AND to be able to have it present with you.
6. Find joy in activities that bring you joy.
DUH! Do things that make you happy. This is kind of similar to your list of priorities. But its a two-step process. So now that you have your life more prioritized - did you make activities that bring you joy a priority? This goes along the lines (at least to me) of having "me" time. Some of my priorities don't exactly bring me joy, but they are a priority none the less. For instance, I have to cook dinner. It is a priority for us as humans to eat. I really enjoy cooking but not all the time. But it still has to be done. Activities that bring you joy should be a priority for your personal, emotional, and mental health. Especially your mental health. I HAVE to have time that is all for me. Do you love watching moving at the theater? Or having a girls only weekend with friends? An activity I love that brings me joy is ditching the kids at home with the husband and going to get a treat just for myself. Usually just a cookie and soda and not having to share or talk to anyone. Then I turn the radio up so loud that I can't hear my own thoughts and just sing. Like really loudly. Like people are driving by and giving me lots of looks. And it's only like half an hour but it totally recharges me. Then I can go home and be the wife and mom I want to be instead of the one I almost was going to be. That is a teeny, tiny example. But hopefully, you get the point.
7. Find joy in what you believe.
My Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ bring me incredible joy. I know that it is because of the truthfulness of the gospel of their love for me and the knowledge I have about the atonement that I am able to have joy at all. I have purpose and direction through the understanding that I am a beloved child of my Heavenly Father. I have divinity in me. And so do you. We are all children of God and through that understanding, we have the capacity for more joy than we will know what to do with.
Now, go! Run. Right now and love on your babies. Or your fur babies. Or whoever you love that is closest! Jump into your life. LIVE. Be happy & joyful. And do it today! Think of something your family can do to give thanks for what you have to be joyful about. Start a chain like my family does, or do it another way that works for you. But do it! Go print out this fun little download and tape it to your fridge, or bathroom mirror, or the back of your front door. Read it at least once a day and start finding your joy!
